The Colonoscopy
It is over .. after months of fear and dread .. it is over. At some point in 2004 .. I had a physical and my doctor decided it would be a good thing if I had a colonoscopy. I was not so very happy .. but .. when I heard that I was number 3500 on the waiting list .. I figured that with the people who actually require immediate colonoscopies .. they might not get around to me before I was .. like .. 85 years old. No such luck .. July 17, 2006 was the date.
This weekend was preparation time .. 2 days of clear diet .. along with some special treats. On Saturday .. the treat was Citro Mag .. that was what the label said .. my belief is that they just changed the label on a bottle of Draino. It tore through me like a cyclone .. not really the most comfortable thing I have ever felt .. but .. on the other hand .. not life threatening. On Sunday .. my special treat was 4 litres of P.E.G. solution .. 10 oz. to be drunk every 10 minutes until gone. It appeared to go in one end and go out the other simultaneous. I don't know what was with it .. but it made me very cold .. my hands and lips turned blue and my fingers went numb. Go figure .. who would have thought that excessive toilet use could do that to you. Rob figures that the reason people in extra hot climates can bear the heat is the constant diarrhea making them cool.
When I got to the hospital this morning .. there was a line up so I figured I would be waiting for a while. I wasn't so lucky .. as soon as I sat down they called my name. As they wheeled me into the colonoscopy room .. visions of fire hoses with attached TV cameras jamming into hitherto unexplored areas of my being filled my mind .. I was thinking that panic would be a good idea. I didn't get the chance .. they gave me some kind of sedative that kept me mostly out .. but not quite. I have a couple memories of minor pain and a picture of my innards on a screen but suddenly I was in another room snoring for all the people. I know this because I woke myself up with a snore.
So it is over .. for another 5 years .. what a waste of worry. They say I am normal .. although my family might beg to differ. If you are expecting pictures of the event to be posted .. think again .. it is enough that some total stranger explored the depths of my being with his camera .. no one else is getting a peek.
This weekend was preparation time .. 2 days of clear diet .. along with some special treats. On Saturday .. the treat was Citro Mag .. that was what the label said .. my belief is that they just changed the label on a bottle of Draino. It tore through me like a cyclone .. not really the most comfortable thing I have ever felt .. but .. on the other hand .. not life threatening. On Sunday .. my special treat was 4 litres of P.E.G. solution .. 10 oz. to be drunk every 10 minutes until gone. It appeared to go in one end and go out the other simultaneous. I don't know what was with it .. but it made me very cold .. my hands and lips turned blue and my fingers went numb. Go figure .. who would have thought that excessive toilet use could do that to you. Rob figures that the reason people in extra hot climates can bear the heat is the constant diarrhea making them cool.
When I got to the hospital this morning .. there was a line up so I figured I would be waiting for a while. I wasn't so lucky .. as soon as I sat down they called my name. As they wheeled me into the colonoscopy room .. visions of fire hoses with attached TV cameras jamming into hitherto unexplored areas of my being filled my mind .. I was thinking that panic would be a good idea. I didn't get the chance .. they gave me some kind of sedative that kept me mostly out .. but not quite. I have a couple memories of minor pain and a picture of my innards on a screen but suddenly I was in another room snoring for all the people. I know this because I woke myself up with a snore.
So it is over .. for another 5 years .. what a waste of worry. They say I am normal .. although my family might beg to differ. If you are expecting pictures of the event to be posted .. think again .. it is enough that some total stranger explored the depths of my being with his camera .. no one else is getting a peek.
Comments
What size of pool did you end up getting, Braxton claims he needs one :) Love you lots,
Gouda Cheeseball
The pool is 18 ft X 52 in .. it is truly glorious on a hot day .. looks like a horse's patoot .. but when the weather is hot .. it is more than good enough. I will get right on that curry recipe. And ..I'm thinking that a spinal tap would really suck in the most major way.
Love,
A.D.
Your description is so accurate, it was like reliving the whole experience. I have had 2 of those wonderful experiences. Nice to just read about it this time!! Thanks for sharing so generously.